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so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:34 am
by deseret cook
I have not really tryed to contact anyone for several years about my experences in and after Dseret shield/storm. I have been able to work less than 3 years since I got home. It has made life miserable. If not for morphine and other pain meds I don't know if I would be able to make it on. The pain is more than I can explain. Really scary right now is that I am losing much of my memory. The worst is short term, I think, but much of the past is also getting lost. I am only 46 years old so it is way too young for problems like this. I guess is what I am wondering now is how other vets are getting by and if there are things some have tryed that has helped solve some of the health problems.
I am very lucky that my wife and family have stuck by me and we have had a wonderful 22 years toghther now. My children have a very hard time understanding how the pain and fatigue make it so hard to live a normal life. They try but when they want to do things and some days dad just can't do it, it is discouraging, to say the very least. How do you help children ages 8-22 understand why dad can't do it, or why he tells them some things several times and seldom remembers when he was told about some activity or something, and dad forgets and doesn't get there or get ready in time. I cannot even remember my daughters proms, even though my picture is in front of me as I walk them as they were introduced.
I have always been nervous about what this illness garbage was, but I am terified that I am forgetting so much so soon and it is affecting my relationships with most of my family. My wife trys to understand, but she is even stuggeling because I forget things I am supposed to do or don't keep promises Iv'e made and I never remember them. It seems so unfair to all of them and I am really having a nightmare of a time triing to figure out how to deal with it and ways to improve my life. I am too young and far from ready to give up and be a vegitable for 40 years or more.
By the way I am a vet who served with HHC 4-16 mechanized infantry from the BIG RED ONE. God bless those who are triing to keep sites like this going for deseret storm vets. :?: :|

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 1:58 am
by Cpt.Tamm
Welcome to the forum! I feel sorry for You. That kind of life sucks when you can't do anything normally :?

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:39 am
by FA1SGret
First ... Have you filed a claim with the VA? Did you complete the Gulf War Exam? Registered in the Gulf War Registry?

Second ... Tamm, you are intentions are good, but I don't feel sorry for this man. I understand his condition ... it is very similar to many other desert storm vets ... I don't feel pity or sorrow ... just compassion and recognition.

Any body disagree, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:39 pm
by Dispacther
Welcome Cook !

There were so few indians compared to chiefs in My unit that I had KP every third day .
I spent so much time with the cooks I felt like part of the mess squad .

First Shirt I hear and agree whole heartedly . I just hope Tamm understands what You're
saying . I aplaude You for the gentleness of Your correction . Tamm's english is so good
it's sometimes hard to remember that it's not his first tounge . He just can't comprehend
how destructive pitty is to a man's morale . You feel nearly out of control , being drawn along
by a tide of emotion with no way to steer . Pity in someone's voice or eyes is enough to
make you lose what little control You maintain .

Sorry , Cook , I'm of little help here . I haven't been on the road You're traveling .
Best of luck and prayers are all I can offer .

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:39 am
by Cpt.Tamm
Yeah, I understand what you're trying to say :) I Understand that.....

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:39 am
by Dagger X-Ray
Welcome deseret cook (Brother),

I feel for you and the same way. I forget so much to the point that my wife sometimes thinks I do not care. She also tries to understand but at the same time I think she is over trying because it happens so much. I function well these days, I have a customer service type job that makes me deal with people and I have learned to cope daily. If I didn't, I would stay cooped up in a room by myself and sleep as much as I could or stay camped out in front of my PC playing my Delta Force MilSim game. Over the last few years, I have become more and more surprised at how many combat vets there are on the other side of those screen names I see. I currently play with a handful of DS vets, Kosovo and some current Iraq/Afganistan war vets.

If you are not already seeing someone in Mental health at the VA, I recommend you go have a talk with them before you get any further along. My doing so over the last few years has helped me understand and cope with some things.

I wish you the best of luck.

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:03 pm
by SOG5-7ADA
I can relate to you Deseret Cook, I'm in somewhat the same boat. Actually, some of the same issues your having, I have as well and did indeed cost me my first marrage.

May the LORD watch over you brother

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:14 pm
by SOG5-7ADA
And Dagger you are so right. I've found a lot of other Vets online through games. I'm always on BHD or COD

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:50 pm
by FA1SGret
I tried the games, but can't seem to deal with the personalities.

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:55 pm
by Irondeuce
Ive been having those short term memory problems for years and have to work at things that I want to remember. I also get rashes on my hands from time to time and lots of frustration.

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:05 pm
by Dagger X-Ray
I came across a Retired Major from a transpo unit the other day, he is 100% disabled but not considered Total & Permanent. If I remember correctly, he said his issues were mostly from all that crap we had to take over there (pills, shots, etc). He was a hell of a nice guy and I was glad to once again meet a fellow vet from the desert that knows where I have been. The plus in his case, I found, is that his wife understands him and his problems because they were married prior to his going over, something I see quite a few DS spouses not doing. I gave him this URL in hopes he might stop in and introduce himself, I look forward to more brothers & sisters here.

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:35 am
by pioxen
Hey cook,

I feel your pain... 19 1/2 yrs after DS. I'm still AD and getting ready to retire. I have pacemaker, neuropathy, and on Oxycontin for pain until they diagnose. You being medicated via VA or Civ Doctor?

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:03 pm
by txhis
HOOAH!

Good to see you DC

I'll throw my 2 cents into this. There isn't a day that I don't think about the desert experience. Cost me my first marriage and gratefully, my 2nd wife is standing by me. I go to counseling about once every two months. I'm 60% disabled but still hold a job as a teacher. My main problem is that I can't sleep and have nighmares when I do.

Keep the faith and I agree, this site and others are great for connections- HOOAH!

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:02 pm
by Dagger X-Ray
Doc added Trazadone to my medicine cabinet, I sleep much better and deeper now than I have in 15 years. Still see things in my sleep but don't remember as much the next day...I guess thats a good thing.

Re: so much time gone by. How are other's lives? MINE IS Hell

Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 1:08 am
by fireball
Call me at (250) 489-8332 I am a vet from operation desert storm looking to find other vets call me asap at the above phone number who have been thru the same. I to am having memory problems and PTSD and need to hear from other vets about their problems to feel free to contact me anytime alternately my email is james.french@live.ca I have had situations with the local police where I was found outside the residence seeing iraqies with weapons in my hand and was told to drop my weapon or the rcmp will shoot.