new partner

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alison

new partner

Post by alison » Sat May 27, 2006 6:07 pm

This is my first time and im not quite sure how to word it but here goes. I have recently met a man who has been diagnosed with PTSD. He was fine the first couple of dates but has since been very quiet and distant. I have tried to read as much as I can about it to try and understand. I am really falling for this guy and want to help but dont know how. Can anyone help?
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Dagger X-Ray
Good Soldiers Never Die
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Your Gulf War Unit: 2nd Brigade 1st Infantry Division
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Post by Dagger X-Ray » Wed May 31, 2006 11:02 am

You can do 1 of 2 things.

You can either run away so you don't have to deal with another persons feelings, a person who has probably been through more than you can imagine, seen things you would never want to see, and/or experienced more than anyone you have ever known.

OR

You can be his friend. Be a shoulder for him to lean on, an ear for him to talk to. READ READ READ more and more on this forum and others like it. Learn to understand what he is dealing with. Read up on PTSD and see if you can talk with family members of others who suffer from it. Check with your local VA to see if they offer any classes or semiinars on PTSD. Just do yourself and him a favor and DON'T EVER MAKE FUN OF HIM OR HIS EMOTIONS, HIS QUIETNESS, HIS "TO-HIMSELF". Don't ask him things like "so what’s wrong with you now"? Offer to accompany him if when he visits the VA, ask him if he ever wants to talk about what’s bothering him and that you are ready to listen to him about it whenever he wants, that you might not understand what he is talking about but you want to, you want him to explain it if he can or if he wants. He needs to talk and I encourage him to talk on forums just like this one.

I married a woman 11 years younger than me. I feel that she does not take me serious on so much of the things I listed above. I have had medical issues since I got out of the service and the desert. I have been seeing the VA regularly since before she met me. She has accompanied me to a VA doctor’s appointment just 1 time and that’s it. Some of the things I have wrong with me she swears is just because I am older and way out of shape yet most of it is listed as symptoms of GWS. Some of it is listed as the results of GWS and as I have spent more and more time over that last 6 months reading up more on GWS, I am seeing those same issues I have listed and have told her some of what I have found. Now it seems like she thinks that everything that is wrong with me is in my head and that there is nothing wrong because of my time in Desert Storm. I don't get the support that I am recommending you give him...........DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR MAN. He served his country, he defended your freedom and he is paying a personal price for it now.

Many marriages have gone down the drain because of PTSD and the lack of understanding on the spouse’s part. He is not you and you are not him. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean he is being stupid about it, he isn't ignoring you, he doesn't not love you or like you, it’s not about any of that. It’s the war he is still fighting in his head so many years later. It’s the things he will NEVER tell you about. It’s the memories he doesn't want to share or even want to remember but can't get out of his head.

Do him, yourself, and all of us other vets out there with nobody to understand what we are going through and "Just be there for him" with an open ear. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand any of what he is talking about.
Last edited by Dagger X-Ray on Thu Jun 01, 2006 11:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
- General George Patton
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liznoraas
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Post by liznoraas » Wed May 31, 2006 1:19 pm

Like Dagger said be there for him. If you think it will last then support him and his feelings. I hope you both have a strong support system it might take a while for him to talk about it but just listen and dont judge him for what he is thinking or feeling. I know because I am married to a vet of DS and he gets in his moods and just wants to be left alone...when he is ready he will talk to me. If you need to vent just email me I have been there. noraas1@hotmail.com

Liz
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bilbo37
Good Soldiers Never Die
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Your Gulf War Unit: 3rd Battalion (ATC), 58th Aviation
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Post by bilbo37 » Thu Jun 01, 2006 5:23 pm

liznoraas wrote:Like Dagger said be there for him. If you think it will last then support him and his feelings. I hope you both have a strong support system it might take a while for him to talk about it but just listen and dont judge him for what he is thinking or feeling. I know because I am married to a vet of DS and he gets in his moods and just wants to be left alone...when he is ready he will talk to me. If you need to vent just email me I have been there. noraas1@hotmail.com

Liz

Liz makes a lot of sense.... Coming from a DS VET. just like Dagger X-Ray said, you have two choices, one answer.
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mcann
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Post by mcann » Sat Jun 17, 2006 4:25 pm

Good luck i still suffer from PTSD. Just try to understand the mood swings are not his fault. Watch for signs of more serious problems read all yu can. Dont force him into seeing a head doc unless he wants to go then theres no use in making him go.
Doc Cann
Desert Storm Dec1990- July1991
Panama Just Cause
2nd FSSG 2nd Med BN. C company
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