Family relationships

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redfish
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Family relationships

Post by redfish » Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:19 am

Well, I have successfully alienated myself from my teenagers. Not all of it is my fault but my temper still gets the best of me. My oldest child is 18. She graduated last month from H.S. She moved out last February and moved to her boyfriends. When she told me in February she was moving out we were fighting and I told her I would choke her and her boyfriend to death. Now my son pissed me off yesterday ( he lives with my ex in GA). He told my 18 yo we were talking bad about her. My son is 16. I told my ex I was done with both of them and I'm sick of there immaturity. Guess I'm without my oldest kids now. Sure would be nice not to go extreme with my temper all the time.
Shield/Storm
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Dagger X-Ray
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Re: Family relationships

Post by Dagger X-Ray » Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:17 pm

I feel myself slipping when I go off my meds for a couple of weeks. I know I get all grouchy, cranky and become a real a$$hole and become a bit more tempermental towards my kids and unfortunaterly I see it after the fact, by then the damage is already done.

My son is 5 and my daughter is 8 and he loves me to death and is climbing all over me anytime I am around. He is a bundle of energy and always happy acting. She is a bundle of attitude. She tends to walk on egg-shells (figure of speech) around me a lot of the time fearing I will yell at her. I try to give her hugs and kisses and I do tell her all the time I love her and how she is my favorite daughter (actually my only one and she knows it), she loves hearing it.

When I am on my meds I am a lot calmer and I know I am but damn I get so tired of taking them, they do not mix well with my BP meds so I have to take them at a different time of the day. I lose track of taking my meds often too, did I take them already today or not, which ones did I take, etc.

I also notice that when I am off them for a couple of weeks, my wife and I fight more.



I feel your pain and understand completely, all I can say is to never stop telling them you love them. Drop them a line every once in a while and tell them you were thinking of them and just wanted to make sure they were ok. Don't keep apologizing for being a prick to them over and over, say it once in a great while and leave it alone after that. As they get older and start to understand life a bit more, they will come to handle it easier and accept you more for who you are now.

I hope things work out for you and them, I really do.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
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redfish
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Re: Family relationships

Post by redfish » Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:33 pm

Thanx bro.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
haze
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Re: Family relationships

Post by haze » Mon Jul 12, 2010 10:50 pm

redfish,
i agree with dagger, with me too, its really hard to keep my temper in check these days, been better these last couple weeks for the most part. a few flare ups, but not too bad.. i think.
give it a couple weeks then give them a call....test the water, tell them your just callin to see how their doing...go from there.
luck to ya bro...if you need to talk just give me a call...i might not be much help...but i"ll listen.
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FA1SGret
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Re: Family relationships

Post by FA1SGret » Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:42 am

Yep, Keep in touch. Let 'em know you care. Don't push, just be there, even if it's a phone call or a card.

We know what anger can do, stay on your road to getting your anger under control ... that's the best you can do for you ... take care of you so you can take care of them.

Hang tough man ... it's one hell of a ride, but it's worth it. My kids are all grown now and they're doing well for themselves. They have a lot more understanding now than they used to and they support and praise my efforts to change for the better.
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redfish
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Re: Family relationships

Post by redfish » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:49 pm

Thank you every one. i will do like yall said. good to have yall out there who know what is happening to us.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
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FA1SGret
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Re: Family relationships

Post by FA1SGret » Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:05 am

Back at ya ... you're on a good course ... stick with it.
Desert Shield/Desert Storm/Cease Fire
3rd Bn 17th Field Artillery
210th FA Bde
DS (OPCON) 3/2 ACR, GS 1 ID
FIRE MISSION!
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redfish
Good Soldiers Never Die
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Your Gulf War Unit: 24th Infantry Division, 197th Infantry Brigage, 72 Engr Co.
Location: North Carolina

Re: Family relationships

Post by redfish » Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:20 am

It is tough. My two teenagers have been ugly to my wife (their step mother ). I have a terrible time managing my anger. The meds help but if the source keeps pushing me.... gonna be an explosion. And like I've said before, once the gorilla is out it destroys shit until I can get him back in the box. After that, I feel awful. I told my ex and I'm sure she told the teenagers, both live down there in georgia with her now, that I want nothing else to do with them until they are mature enough to behave. That does not include the cussing and smashing. I hate it. But they can not keep doing what they have been.

My wife now walks on egg shells and I hate it. My 3 yo is scared of me and I hate it. There is a stigmatism on me. I'm working on it but by no means have I mastered any of it. Too many meds makes me groggy and grouchy, not enought meds make me edgy and anxious and panicy. Finding the happy medium is rare.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
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FA1SGret
Lifer
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Re: Family relationships

Post by FA1SGret » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:18 pm

You're in a tough spot for sure. The self awareness you possess is an asset, don't under rate it. Try to find a tactic to intervene the rising anger before the anger itself intervenes. Walk away ... take a walk, go to another room, sit in your car, something to break the stressor->Anger->stressor cycle.

I'm better at saying it than doing it.

I know how you feel about the collateral damage; cleaning up can be a real drag.

Hang in there man, keep working through the issues, and try not to let things get to the point of explosion.
Desert Shield/Desert Storm/Cease Fire
3rd Bn 17th Field Artillery
210th FA Bde
DS (OPCON) 3/2 ACR, GS 1 ID
FIRE MISSION!
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redfish
Good Soldiers Never Die
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Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:36 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 24th Infantry Division, 197th Infantry Brigage, 72 Engr Co.
Location: North Carolina

Re: Family relationships

Post by redfish » Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:20 pm

Thanx top. Your advice has been a true asset. I will put your advice to work.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
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FA1SGret
Lifer
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Re: Family relationships

Post by FA1SGret » Fri Jul 16, 2010 10:45 pm

Thank you, but you yourself are an asset as well. YOU are actually YOUR greatest asset.

Consequences ... think of like everything ... every action, every word, every statement has consequences. Think about the consequences before verbalizing a thought, or making a statement, or movement ( such as throwing a bowl of soup across the room ... my own experience ...).

It takes practice, and time, and humility ... but it works ... if can't accept the consequences, OR can't see others suffer the consequences don't make the statement or throw the soup.

Don't belittle yourself ... YOU ARE DA MAN!
Desert Shield/Desert Storm/Cease Fire
3rd Bn 17th Field Artillery
210th FA Bde
DS (OPCON) 3/2 ACR, GS 1 ID
FIRE MISSION!
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