ptsd

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saudivet5
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ptsd

Post by saudivet5 » Wed Oct 22, 2008 10:17 pm

hi I was just wondering. i am new at this whole ptsd thing i was diagnosed and just got service connected for it but it gave me mixed feelings and was wondering if anyone else has felt this way .I had to clean up basrah highway it was terrible i have told you guys all this before but since my service connection i have felt very guilty about things it feels like blood money and thinking about back then is making me feel afraid to even go outside i dont feel safe. like stepping out of my safety zone . i have aggoraphobia as well but is this part of my ptsd and do you think it will pass? :cry:
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Re: ptsd

Post by Dagger X-Ray » Thu Oct 23, 2008 9:29 am

I do not think it will ever pass but it will get easier to deal with. I was in that area also, when the cease fire went into effect, my unit was setup only about 1/8 of a mile away from that whole mess you had to clean up. We could feel the death in the air. I saw only a small part of it and that was enough for me. That part bothers me only a small amount, its the incident where I was prevented from being able to call in a dust-off for 2 soldiers who got tangled up with some DPICm rounds. One of them died and even though I could not have prevented it, I still feel tons of guilt over it...guilt I cannot get rid of. It wasn't until November 29, 2005 that I finally learned this soldiers name and that was it. It messed me up even more but over time I have learned to cope with it, I tell myself constantly that there was nothing I could do to help him. If you are not already talking with thge VA Mental Health people, you need to ask your VA PCP to refer you over.

At the college I work at, I recently managed to get the local Vet Center to come and start doing weekly groups with the combat vets we have here. My local VA clinic is overwhelmed with the incoming vets and the group I was attending (mostly Vietnam and DS vets) weekly had to be stopped so they could do groups for incoming vets from Afganistan and Iraq.
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FA1SGret
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Re: ptsd

Post by FA1SGret » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:45 pm

I fought, rather ignored, the PTSD symptoms for years. I had problems, big ones; extreme anger episodes, extreme hypervigilence, sleep disturbances, flash backs, and extreme mood swings. I put everything I had into everything I did and tolerated nothing less from anyone else around me.

That was great while I was still in the army; it was gung-ho, Hoo-ah stuff. The army was a great cover. When I retired from the army my cover went away, but I bailed into a couple different jobs and put everything I had into work and what not. Stress from work got to me and I blew a fuse at work. Ended up at the behavioral health clinic at the VA.

I've been attend individual therapy at least once a month ever since. It's been three years now.

I can't say that the PTSD has changed ... I still don't sleep, I still get angry, and I still remain hypervigilent ... but now I at least know why I do what I do and I can somewhat, not much, but somewhat control my reaction, and when I don't control it, I at least know where it coming from.

So in other words, my PTSD symptoms haven't changed, but now I can say that I have a better understanding of them. It helps me ... it helps to know that when I throw a plate across the kitchen in anger, it's not that I am angry at my wife, it's a severe reaction to memory that was brought to the surface by some sort of trigger mechanism ... and there are a lot of triggers, for me anyway.

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda ... off I go on a tangent ...

Hope this helps .... hang tough.

As to the feeling of blood money .... take it! I do the same mental game every minute of every day. I feel like a leech taking money when I can still walk and talk, but what can you do. The benefit is there to be had, you followed the rules to submit your claim, the judgement is service connection for PTSD, take and don't think twice about it ... it'll just give you a headache.
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jknight
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Re: ptsd

Post by jknight » Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:57 pm

I to am very anger all the time, depressed, and don't give a hoot about anything, but I am seeing a shrink in VA and here helping me with meds and counseling. Just waiting for a C & P to see another shrink. :roll:
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Re: ptsd

Post by FA1SGret » Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:31 am

Prepare for the C&P ... so you have an idea of what to expect and help with preparing your answers to be clear and concise.

Here's a link to the index of exam worksheets:

http://www.vba.va.gov/bln/21/Benefits/exams/index.htm

The VBA uses this schedule to rate a disability ... familiarize yourself with it before you go to the C&P exam:

http://www.warms.vba.va.gov/bookc.html#q

The PTSD is under Mental Disorders.

Hope this helps ... I wish I had this information at the beginning of my claims process.
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jknight
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Re: ptsd

Post by jknight » Wed Dec 10, 2008 1:17 pm

FAISGret :) Thanks for thoses links, I copyed them and now understand it a lot clearer now :D
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Doc
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Re: ptsd

Post by Doc » Sat Sep 12, 2009 4:01 pm

Hey Guys,

I'm new to the site and was reading some of your syptoms and although I feel I don't have PTSD I'm beginning to wonder...

Storms, bad ones wake me out of a dead sleep and I'll look to see where I'm at, I have sleep troubles at times and I usually don't talk about my experiance just tell people I done my job and let it go.

I fly off the handle at times and get pissed over stupid things, loud noises get my heart racing and I have at times hit the ground to relize it was just a noise, I was a medic and saw some things that well has left a everlasting inpression.

I don't like being in a large crowd, but if I am I know who they are and trust them. It can be hard some days and at times I just don't care...
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Re: ptsd

Post by Dispacther » Sat Sep 12, 2009 7:54 pm

Sounds very familar Doc .
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Doc
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Re: ptsd

Post by Doc » Sun Sep 13, 2009 6:02 pm

Dispacther wrote:Sounds very familar Doc .
Welcome !
Make Yourself to home .
Thanks Brother!!! Nice to have brothers and sisters who understand.
Brant Parker
US Army
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1987-1989 1st 39th Inf 8th ID
1989-1993 Ft Hood Meddac/1st Cav
1997 to Present (Still Serving)
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redfish
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Re: ptsd

Post by redfish » Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:00 pm

I just found this website. My wife and parents insisted 2 weeks ago that I go to the VA in Ashville,NC. I felt like a balloon with istead of air just under the balloon skin it was rage. I was very easily angered and wanted to tear people apart. Several times I have heard voices of children call my name and have heard the fire of a bradley. I am tremendously easy to startle (sp?). I started to remember things I had long ago put away. It has really got my attention. I have no idea as to why now after 20 years. I had flash backs and hallucinations after we got back and terrible nightmares. I usually drank those away though. But, that was twenty years ago.
The shrink at the VA was great. He knew what was up. He tells me I have bad PTSD. He started me on meds and scheduled me monthly appointments. I had been to the VA 15 years ago in Atlanta but learned that was a waste of time. What a tremendous difference in VA experiences.
I guess I am reaching out know for anyone who was there that has an answer to why 20 years later do I literally go to pieces and get classified in the ER at the VA as homicidal.
I was with the 72nd Engr. Co/ 197th Infantry. I find it disturbing to talk about it and or watch or hear anything combat related. I find myself "shakey" right now. We buried some in the trenches, we cleared some bunkers, we spent some time on the "highway". We had some explosions in our perimeter with 1/18th Inf. BN that was deadly when the trailer they had exploded while they were burning trash. I was watching and laughing because it caught on fire and they were trying to put it out and it exploded. I have felt guilt over that since. We had to mark the Iraqi dead with Kem (sp?) lights so we would quit running over them at night. I remember next to me in our perimeter on the "highway" was a pair of boots standing there with feet in them but no body.
Any body out there feeling me on this crap after 20 damn years?
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Re: ptsd

Post by Dagger X-Ray » Wed Oct 28, 2009 2:00 pm

Welcome brother and I feel your pain daily!!!! I know where you are coming from all too well. Stay with the VA on this and DO file for VA complensation.

Many here are going through our exact same pain, there are only a few regualrs but if you go into the past threads, you'll see that you are not alone.

I don't care for watching military movies anymore yet I do to help me cope. I also play a MilSim game online to help me cope. I don't talk about my experiences though, I avoid them against my VA therapists recommendations but then again she never expereinced it like we have.

You are welcome to talk to any of us here whenever you want, just click our name and either email or PM us. Feel free to post any pics you have also int he appropriate thread.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
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"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
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redfish
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Re: ptsd

Post by redfish » Wed Oct 28, 2009 2:55 pm

Thank you for the welcome. I long ago lost most of my pictures. I threw away all the ones that were disturbing. Stuff that was casual there was grotesque and not well accepted in the world. Transition back was rough and I guess, as it seems, it still is. One of the members on here was in my unit. I think tricky89 is his username. I know the people in his pictures. We were spread all over creation attached to many different infantry task forces I do not remember where he was during the different incidents. I have not ever looked on the internet about Storm so I guess I never found this site. All part of my avoidance I guess. I am glad to have found it and I do look forward to having some interaction with others feeling some of this same mess.
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Re: ptsd

Post by FA1SGret » Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:35 pm

What I found most useful about seeing the Behavioral Health folks at the VA was the understanding of why I feel the way I do and why my body and mind respond the way that they do.

The hard part is changing it. I just haven't been able to master that yet. I've seen people do it and they appear to be much better off for it, but I haven't been able to break loose from the green machine.

Hang with it, don't hide it, and don't fight it, just understand it and do the best you can.
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redfish
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Re: ptsd

Post by redfish » Sun Nov 01, 2009 2:05 pm

Thanks top. I feel like I'm in my infancy with dealing with this after reading the posts here but I see a lot of likeness among symptoms. My poor wife is hanging tuff and my kids are no longer bewildered. I really appreciate hearing from guys who know what it was like over there. I wonder how long I will continue to remember things I have forgotten. It seems to happen often these last weeks. I have never had any tolerance of news about storm or looked on the internet about any of it. I have looked lot at a lot of stuff recently and I guess it is triggering it. That's how I found this web site. Things in the community and in the VA seem different than in '95 so I am glad to see and feel that. Just thought I was really losing my mind hearing a little girl voice calling my name and hearing gun fire when there was'nt any. Hair on my neck and arms stood up and it really freaked me out. Thought maybe the ghosts from the "highway" were after me. Crazy man crazy.
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Re: ptsd

Post by FA1SGret » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:45 pm

'Crazy' is an understatement. If it was crazy, we could be treated with mind meds and such. The problem is not 'crazy', it is worse than crazy in many ways. To name one; sane within a crazy context ... the mind of a sane person just can't seem to piece together and resolve the craziness that some folks are exposed to.

Of course the longer the issues go unresolved, the more inbedded they become, and the harder it is to get the issues flushed out.

For me, the war was such a victory with celebrations and the like that I couldn't speak of the stupidity and absurdity without feeling like I was going against the victory statements, so I just kept my mouth shut. Of course this didn't work well; the more I tried to keep my mouth shut the more I imploded, which manifested itself in rebellion against any authority or structure, heavy drinking, and frequent encounters with authority types ... some pretty comical, but with very serious consequences.

Not 'crazy', just normally sane person exposed to insanity with little means of coping. Hell in the 90's the army still believed PTSD was a sign of weekness and a lack of emotional discipline. I wish I could recall and correct the many statements that I made to soldiers for going on sick call, or requesting a profile, or asking for time off ... Shit, I wonder how many people I neglected because of the 'army way'.

I guess I'm getting my comeupence now .... I know it isn't true, but I sure as hell have to fight myself to keep from believing it.

Anyways ... dealing with it will certainly aggravate the symptoms, but I see folks make progress by dealing with it, so hang in there and stay strong for you and yours.
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210th FA Bde
DS (OPCON) 3/2 ACR, GS 1 ID
FIRE MISSION!
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