Know Of Any Good Jokes?

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rodneyw71
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Post by rodneyw71 » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:45 pm

Redmaxx wrote:It never goes down for Zoomies, they just have someone else fix it for them......... :lol:
If we have trouble with the computers, we just pick up the phone and call the help desk. Fix our own computers.....well I've never heard of such a thing. :lol: We have Army on our base, and they seem to have no trouble enjoying our nice dining facility.....heck I eat better there than I do at home....that's why I can't get out of the door on drill weekends. :lol:
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Redmaxx
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Post by Redmaxx » Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:21 pm

LMAO. Good one Rodney. :lol:
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lw173
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Devout Catholic

Post by lw173 » Fri Dec 21, 2007 1:30 am

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her
husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next
husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally
together."

A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you
mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

"I mean her legs!"

JC
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by Redmaxx » Tue Jan 01, 2008 2:34 pm

OMG that is a good one. I will have to tell that one at work tomorrow. :lol:
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lw173
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by lw173 » Tue Jan 01, 2008 11:22 pm

** Dad to Son: When I beat you, how do you control you anger?
Son: I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with your tooth brush.

**What's the difference between Data and Information?
362436 - Data
36-24-36 - Information

**A son asks his father what is the difference between Confidence and Confidential.
Dad says you're my son, I am Confident.
Your friend is also my son, that Confidential.

JC
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bilbo37
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by bilbo37 » Thu Jan 03, 2008 5:20 am

NEVER BE LATE



A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation were chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.



The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister I was appalled.



But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."....



Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."



Moral: NEVER, NEVER, EVER BE LATE
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Big Trouble

Post by lw173 » Sat Jan 12, 2008 9:16 am

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
rodneyw71
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by rodneyw71 » Sat Jan 19, 2008 6:43 pm

A Lady cop pulls this guy over for drunk driving, "she says you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be held against you"......he yells out... "tittys" :D
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by Rickey Nelson » Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:57 pm

rodneyw71 wrote:A Lady cop pulls this guy over for drunk driving, "she says you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be held against you"......he yells out... "tittys" :D
good one....
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by lw173 » Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:50 pm

LOL...
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
bilbo37
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by bilbo37 » Sun Jan 20, 2008 8:37 am

rodneyw71 wrote:A Lady cop pulls this guy over for drunk driving, "she says you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be held against you"......he yells out... "tittys" :D
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by Redmaxx » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:14 pm

Great one Rodney..... :lol:
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Rickey Nelson
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by Rickey Nelson » Sat Feb 23, 2008 8:57 am

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.

Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others
I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke ....




"Lord, bless this food for which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen."
DESERT SHIELD/STORM NOV 90-JUN 91

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2. The American G.I.
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by Dispacther » Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:21 pm

Good one Ricky !
Which reminds Me .........
There was a little old Lady who lived in a duplex with an atheist neighbor .
Every morning the Lady would go out on her pourch and pray aloud as the sun rose .
She would thank the Lord for the beauty of the sun rise and for all his blessings , and
ask for help with her woes.
Well the Atheist was always telling her she was wasting her time and being to loud
too early , ect.
One morning after Her usualy thank you's and greetings , She goes .
" Oh lord I just dont know how I'm gonna make it this month .
After paying the rent I aint got no money for grocerys Lord ,
Just help Me how You can Dear lord . "
That night when the Lady comes home there's three bags of food sitting on her pourch .
Well She starts singing and dancing and praying "Thank You Lord Thank You " ,
that's when the Atheist jumps out and says
"It wasn't Yor God that bought those groceries ! It was me !
Your God can't help but I did . Now what do You have to say ?
The little old Lady goes on even louder that before ,
"Oh thank You God thank You ! Not only did You provide Me food !
You made the Atheist pay for it ! "
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Rickey Nelson
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Re: Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by Rickey Nelson » Sun Feb 24, 2008 6:44 pm

Dispacther wrote:Good one Ricky !
Which reminds Me .........
There was a little old Lady who lived in a duplex with an atheist neighbor .
Every morning the Lady would go out on her pourch and pray aloud as the sun rose .
She would thank the Lord for the beauty of the sun rise and for all his blessings , and
ask for help with her woes.
Well the Atheist was always telling her she was wasting her time and being to loud
too early , ect.
One morning after Her usualy thank you's and greetings , She goes .
" Oh lord I just dont know how I'm gonna make it this month .
After paying the rent I aint got no money for grocerys Lord ,
Just help Me how You can Dear lord . "
That night when the Lady comes home there's three bags of food sitting on her pourch .
Well She starts singing and dancing and praying "Thank You Lord Thank You " ,
that's when the Atheist jumps out and says
"It wasn't Yor God that bought those groceries ! It was me !
Your God can't help but I did . Now what do You have to say ?
The little old Lady goes on even louder that before ,
"Oh thank You God thank You ! Not only did You provide Me food !
You made the Atheist pay for it ! "
good one olso
DESERT SHIELD/STORM NOV 90-JUN 91

16th support group
4th Trans Batt.
1087 Trans Co.
Road Warrior
SSG Retired..... 1976-1997
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you.
1. Jesus Christ
2. The American G.I.
"One died for your soul, the other for your freedom!"
Life Member VFW Post 9573
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