Know Of Any Good Jokes?

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lw173
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Know Of Any Good Jokes?

Post by lw173 » Thu Nov 15, 2007 9:19 am

Hey, what the heck, we all need to laugh sometimes to release stress and tension.

Please post any funny experiences you have had or jokes just to keep breaking the proverbial ice. Have a good laugh.

Why Pilots Prefer Airplanes Over Women
* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.

* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.

* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.

* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.

* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flow before.

* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

* Airplanes expect to be tied down.

* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

* Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

* However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

JC 3rdID
Bco. 1/7th INF
Aco. 1/29 TRADOC
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
Dagger X-Ray
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Post by Dagger X-Ray » Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:04 am

I do know that an airplane would never make you WANT to jump.

Airplanes also go what you tell them to go.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
- General George Patton
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rodneyw71
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Post by rodneyw71 » Thu Nov 15, 2007 6:47 pm

Texan: Where are you from?

Harvard Graduate: I come from a place where we don't end our sentences with Prepositions.

Texan: OK, Where are you from, Jackass.
Desert Storm, KFIA, Dec. '90- May '91
RAF Alconbury, UK. '90-'92
KI. Sawyer AFB, MI. '92
434th ARW/LRS, Grissom ARB, IN. 2007-Present
OIF 506th ELRS, Kirkuk, Iraq Sept. '09-Jan. '10
rodneyw71
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Post by rodneyw71 » Thu Nov 15, 2007 6:54 pm

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps: " My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: " Calm down, I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone the guys says: OK, Now what?"
Desert Storm, KFIA, Dec. '90- May '91
RAF Alconbury, UK. '90-'92
KI. Sawyer AFB, MI. '92
434th ARW/LRS, Grissom ARB, IN. 2007-Present
OIF 506th ELRS, Kirkuk, Iraq Sept. '09-Jan. '10
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lw173
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hahahaha

Post by lw173 » Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:24 pm

Now that was funny!!
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
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doublecheese
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Post by doublecheese » Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:05 pm

Want to here somthing really funny,? watch tonights democrat debates on CNN. What a show! its scary this is all we have to choose from. WHAT a descrace when i see a mother with her son stand up and complain about serving 3 tours in iraq! fuckin cry baby! SHE SAYS " WE ARE AFRAID WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO TO IRAN"/ 2 WORDS...... VOLENTIER ARMY!
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Post by Redmaxx » Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:31 am

rodneyw71 wrote:Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps: " My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: " Calm down, I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone the guys says: OK, Now what?"
Good one Rodney. :lol:
B Co. 7/159 Avn. Regt.
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Operation Desert Shield/Storm/Cease Fire 1990/1991
Dagger X-Ray
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Post by Dagger X-Ray » Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:13 pm

I saw a YouTube video on that, don't remember what the URL was though. It was truly funny with the visual to go with it.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
- General George Patton
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rodneyw71
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Post by rodneyw71 » Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:35 pm

Q. How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A. Wave at him.




Q. Why did the Turkey cross the road?


A. To prove he wasn't chicken.
Desert Storm, KFIA, Dec. '90- May '91
RAF Alconbury, UK. '90-'92
KI. Sawyer AFB, MI. '92
434th ARW/LRS, Grissom ARB, IN. 2007-Present
OIF 506th ELRS, Kirkuk, Iraq Sept. '09-Jan. '10
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lw173
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Here is one...

Post by lw173 » Fri Nov 16, 2007 11:17 pm

Here a hyperlink to a site I go and see videos.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/44988

Highlight, Copy and past hyperlink to Address Bar and Go.

Oh by the way the video is called Achmed The Dead Terrorist.

Enjoy.

JC

3rd ID
Bco. 1/7th INF
Aco. 1/29th TRADOC
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
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lw173
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Bumper Stickers

Post by lw173 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:48 pm

BUMPER STICKERS forward
Subject: Bumper Stickers seen around town
Date: Sat, 14 Dec 1996 09:32:07 -1100

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"

"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

"I'm a corporate executive, I keep things from happening."

"If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question."
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
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5thFSEMSG
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Post by 5thFSEMSG » Wed Nov 21, 2007 6:21 pm

My Retirement check from the Army.
5th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, 5th Forward Surgical Element, Fort Bragg NC, DS/DS Oct 90 to Apr 91

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lw173
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Some Kind

Post by lw173 » Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:06 am

An ARMY Ranger jumps out of a plane and parachutes to the ground. Upon entering the jungle he says "This is the shit."
A member of the MARINE Recon is rafting down a harsh river, laying low with his rifle. Upon making landfall, he enters a jungle and kills three men. He then says "This is some good shit."
A NAVY SEAL swims three kilometers out from his ship, killing a shark while there. Upon landfall he enters a jungle and kills five men. He then says "This is really good shit."
An Air Force Tech Sgt, sitting in a leather chair, sipping coffee in an air conditioned office goes to check his email. Upon finding out that his email server’s down he says "What kind of shit is this?"
"Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not your friend anymore."
Dagger X-Ray
Good Soldiers Never Die
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:35 pm
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Post by Dagger X-Ray » Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:22 am

HaHa, aint that some shit ?
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
- General George Patton
Image
rodneyw71
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1093
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 3:37 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 354th TFW
Location: Indiana

Post by rodneyw71 » Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:52 pm

Oooooohhhhhhh real funny. :lol: No really it was. lol
Desert Storm, KFIA, Dec. '90- May '91
RAF Alconbury, UK. '90-'92
KI. Sawyer AFB, MI. '92
434th ARW/LRS, Grissom ARB, IN. 2007-Present
OIF 506th ELRS, Kirkuk, Iraq Sept. '09-Jan. '10
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