Things you hate since the war.

Please visit this area and participate in various diffrent topics of discussion.
Post Reply
sgtbrk
Recruit
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:56 am

Re: You Got It Bad

Post by sgtbrk » Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:13 pm

lw173 wrote:Man, you do have it bad, but I can honestly say that, I have similar situations.

For example, I can truly relate when people sneak up on me, specially when im sound asleep, is like i feel a presence and ball up my fist like I have a K-bar in my hand and go for the throat. My wife and friends experieced my state and had told me about it.

Also, whenever I run, I have this thing to pick up my arms like if I was running with my weapon, oh and the finger ready to pull the trigger. Sometimes I found myself looking around on top of buildings and looking for targets, for no aparent reason.

I know it sounds crazy but it does happen, I have manage to tell myself that Im ok that is all in my head, but sometimes I cant help it.

So in a way I can relate to what your saying. Just stay cool, and dont kill anybody.. (lol)

Stay frosty...

JC

3rd ID 1/7 INF


I understand 100%. I can't stand the heat anymore, loud noises ect. I had a real bad experience. I was asleep (when I can sleep) my wife got into bed, I had a bad dream or something, it was extremly real, my wife woke me up hitting me to get out of the chokehold I had her in. She said she thought I was going to kill her. Need I really explain the dream, it was about Desert Storm. I felt so bad, I did not want to sleep in bed with her because I was afraid of it happening again. After a few years the dreams pretty much went away and this incident never repeated itself. Has this ever happend to you or anyone you know? I hate PDSD dreams. Have not had any in a long time. ( Thank God)
haze
Senior Vet
Posts: 418
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:53 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 72nd. ENGR. CO. 197TH INF. BDE. 24TH INF
Location: ky,

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by haze » Sat Feb 13, 2010 9:58 am

i"ve had really bad dreams ,some i remember, some i don"t .my wife has told me severial times that i"d be dreaming & she"d go to wake me up, i"d look at her(like a deer in headlights look),i"d just grab her by the throat& pin her down. a few times i"ve dreams & she"d be sitting up getting a drink by the bed, guess i"d raise up while her back was to me grab her shoulder with my right hand & her jaw/chin with my left, she"d holler at me & i"d just lay back down.i don"t remember any of this, a few days later she asked me about what i was trying to do to her that nite. i just to her that if, i ever do that again to get away from me fast , yoller at me,hit me do whatever it takes to me off of her.i did"nt tell her that i almost snapped her neck.she"s always been able to talk me off her, but i"m afraid that one nite she won"t be able to, & that scares the daylights out of me.
i find myself getting mad at people & family over nuttin.even when in the back of my mind i know that i"m going overboard on stuff, i can"t stop myself.certain smells, sounds esp having my back to people in a room, always on guard.my temper is bad.i don"t know how my family really puts up with me sometimes.
never really talked about anything or tell anything to people that would"nt undersdtand ,so i just keep it bottled up.i don"t want pity.my wife has really hinted around for me to tell the va about this.maybe i should ,but i don"t want to seem like i"m just trying to get a check from them.am i wrong in this thinking? anybody else out there feel the same?i have my pride,but sometimes it really hits me hard. any thoughts on what i should do about this?Sorry for all the rambling .........and for all the spelling mistakes, i can"t type as fast i think. thanks, cliff
72nd. ENGR. CO.
197th. INF. BDE(m)(s)
24th. INF.DIV
18th AIRBORNE CORPS
SAPPERS FORWARD!
User avatar
redfish
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:36 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 24th Infantry Division, 197th Infantry Brigage, 72 Engr Co.
Location: North Carolina

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by redfish » Sat Feb 13, 2010 11:20 am

Haze,
Read around in here some. You and I and a lot of others have a lot in common. Read my story over in another section called riding the strom out. Read some in Basra highway of death. REad some in PTSD. I fell into this website about 6 months ago and found some really cool conversation and kinship. I got put on meds and started in group.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
haze
Senior Vet
Posts: 418
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:53 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 72nd. ENGR. CO. 197TH INF. BDE. 24TH INF
Location: ky,

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by haze » Mon Apr 26, 2010 10:01 pm

dreams have started again :cry: , not sleeping much lately. thinkin about stuff again, not good. my va appointment is a couple weeks away. gonna talk to doc.....emotions are gettin hard to control, not just anger, but wanting to cry over stuff that seems like nuttin.
keeping to myself, not enjoying the things that i used to do. its been too long now... time to try an talk about it now....
72nd. ENGR. CO.
197th. INF. BDE(m)(s)
24th. INF.DIV
18th AIRBORNE CORPS
SAPPERS FORWARD!
User avatar
Dagger X-Ray
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1899
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:35 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 2nd Brigade 1st Infantry Division
Location: Central Florida
Contact:

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by Dagger X-Ray » Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:04 am

Yep, I finally have been referred to the Psychiatrist side fo the Mental Health department specifially for a PTSD diagnosis by the shrink himself. I already have PTSD listed in my file from my original consult/referral and it has been discussed in the groups I was participating in but now they are accepting that it may be more than originally thought and have enlisted me into a PTSD specific group, not just the "mood enhancement" group for the depression part. This all comes about after speaking with a "new" social worker at the VA who the nurse that has been issusing me my meds decided to send me over to see. I am starting to get that feeling that I am being listened to again...finally.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
- General George Patton
Image
haze
Senior Vet
Posts: 418
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:53 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 72nd. ENGR. CO. 197TH INF. BDE. 24TH INF
Location: ky,

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by haze » Tue Apr 27, 2010 9:46 pm

glad to hear that you feel like somebody is listening dagger. a few of people i know go see the shrink, group, they all say that she cares,listens to you.
hope that i can open up to her at least a little to start. gonna be real hard to do though.
72nd. ENGR. CO.
197th. INF. BDE(m)(s)
24th. INF.DIV
18th AIRBORNE CORPS
SAPPERS FORWARD!
User avatar
redfish
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:36 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 24th Infantry Division, 197th Infantry Brigage, 72 Engr Co.
Location: North Carolina

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by redfish » Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:04 pm

It has gotten easier for me. I have not felt ashamed like I did 15 or 20 years ago
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
User avatar
Dagger X-Ray
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1899
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:35 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 2nd Brigade 1st Infantry Division
Location: Central Florida
Contact:

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by Dagger X-Ray » Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:27 pm

Ashamed is not the word I use, I still feel guilty. I feel like I could have done something even though I know that the end result was most likely inevitable anyway. I still can't help but think I couild have done more. I think the VA lady called it "Survivorship Guilt" as well as a few other terms she used to describe what she was hearing during the hour long meeting we had.
Last edited by Dagger X-Ray on Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dagger X-Ray - ARMY
(12/91 - present) - miss the service
(9/90 - 12/91) 2nd Bde 1st Infantry Division - Desert Shield / Desert Storm Combat VET
(9/88 - 9/90) C-17th Signal Battalion of 22nd Signal Brigade - Sachsenhausen Bar Scene VET
(4/88 - 9/88) AIT Fort Gordon, Ga
(12/87 - 3/88) Basic Training Fort Jackson, SC
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
- General George Patton
Image
User avatar
redfish
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:36 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 24th Infantry Division, 197th Infantry Brigage, 72 Engr Co.
Location: North Carolina

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by redfish » Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:16 pm

I felt shame @ that time because that was how they made me feel. We were not in several years in nam or wwii or korea. Our war was only 4 days long. That is what I got. I too felt guilty for not doing more or preventing 2 deaths one day in front of me on highway 8. When I finally started letting out my feelings this last year, I ran from one emotion to another. Cried like a baby, got suicidal, got homicidal again and got involuntarily committed at the VA for 5 days in the psych ward. Well after learning to examine all of what happened in group I'm some better. I cry now which I had no access to a year ago. I have feelings other than anger. I learned that one incident can give you ptsd, not how long we were there.

I did and do feel shame for some of the killing that went down and some things I did and saw. That is why one of my wives never even knew I was in the army and my teenagers found out this year.

I have a lot of emotions and feelings and thoughts. But, now, at least I have them. Before I was unavailable.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
User avatar
FA1SGret
Lifer
Posts: 874
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 8:41 am
Your Gulf War Unit: 3rd Bn 17th Field Artillery
Location: Missouri

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by FA1SGret » Sat May 01, 2010 9:58 am

Yep. At least now we have feelings ... or recognize that we have them. I think I always had the feelings, but suppressed them, which leads to a whole slew of crap piling up over the years.

While in the WRIISC assessment, a phycologist noted that I had spent a few years in group and individual therapy, but stopped abruptly. She saw in my record that the provider had changed. She told me to seek another, and if we didn't click, seek another ... it all about the click, if you don't click, not much will forthcoming.

I write this because it connects with not listening. My biggest beef with the VA is that they don't listen. They expect me to fit into their system. Would they expect a wheel chair bound veteran to climb stairs? Of course not, but they do expect a veteran with behavioral disabilities to navigate their unwaivering system. I understand that I am angry, I understand that I have trouble in public places, I understand that I am hypervigilant, but they don't know how their system and their procedures impacts me. I've told them on many occasions, but they just DON"T LISTEN.

So, if you have a provider that is listening ... good ... no GREAT! The little things, the little improvements in well being, realizations, relationships, providers, feelings, self regulations, etc., they all add up.

My improvement is my drinking ... just drink much at all any more ... one small step in a big hair ball, but it's a step.
Desert Shield/Desert Storm/Cease Fire
3rd Bn 17th Field Artillery
210th FA Bde
DS (OPCON) 3/2 ACR, GS 1 ID
FIRE MISSION!
haze
Senior Vet
Posts: 418
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:53 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 72nd. ENGR. CO. 197TH INF. BDE. 24TH INF
Location: ky,

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by haze » Sat May 01, 2010 10:56 am

my thing is...my anger, temper is bad, usually over nuttin. bad thing is in the back of my mind i know i"m going overboard, but sometimes i can"t stop getting more mad. when we go out, i check out the room,the people,an try to get a table in the back, facing the door, don"t like my back to people at all.
i sometimes find myself tearing up, to crying over silly stuff. can"t help it. my wife says that i"m the most cold hearted person that she"s ever met. ...no feeling.but she sticks my me.
My VA appointment is in 9 days...gotta talk to them, if i can...
72nd. ENGR. CO.
197th. INF. BDE(m)(s)
24th. INF.DIV
18th AIRBORNE CORPS
SAPPERS FORWARD!
User avatar
redfish
Good Soldiers Never Die
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:36 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 24th Infantry Division, 197th Infantry Brigage, 72 Engr Co.
Location: North Carolina

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by redfish » Sat May 01, 2010 12:57 pm

You may surprise yourself haze. Tell them a story about one thing you saw, and if like me, all of a sudden, BAM tears, anger sorrow, etc...

Yesterday, I went to the dump. The man came out for me to pay him. I handed him a twenty and he started complaining about you people not having smaller bills. Well, we had words. I got my money back and was driving out the gate, my kids in the back seat. The bastard flips me off. Huge mistake. I got out and proceeded. The guy literally ran. I was for lack of a better word, exhilarated. My body was joy filled at the possibility of combat. Consumed with RAGE, but, underneath, happiness??

I have events like that too much. I become even homicidal at things like some guy not waiting his turn at a stop sign. The last time I spun the car around in the intersection with wife and kids in car, smoke boiling off tires and wife and kids screaming. The wife stopped me but I was off to get him. She asked what I was gonna do and I said drag him out of his car and kill him. She said why and I said as an example to others for common courtesy and proper etiquette.

Irrational anger. I'm working on it.

I feel ya haze, top. Excellent analogy top.
Shield/Storm
18th Airborne Corps
24th Infantry Division
197th Infantry 72 ENGR CO
Assault and Barrier Pltn
"Sledgehammer"
haze
Senior Vet
Posts: 418
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:53 pm
Your Gulf War Unit: 72nd. ENGR. CO. 197TH INF. BDE. 24TH INF
Location: ky,

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by haze » Sun May 02, 2010 7:52 am

i hope so, trouble is getting started talking about stuff. if i can get myself to open up to somebody, i think it"ll be a start . just hope they"ll listen, an not think i"m overacting on this.....
72nd. ENGR. CO.
197th. INF. BDE(m)(s)
24th. INF.DIV
18th AIRBORNE CORPS
SAPPERS FORWARD!
User avatar
112SecurityPolice
Recruit
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 1:06 am
Your Gulf War Unit: 112th Security Police - T.A.C.

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by 112SecurityPolice » Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:21 am

I hate the bad dreams (the meds help though). :wink:

I also hate getting angry over nothing. :twisted:

Crowds too, and being bothered and not just left alone. :|

And then there were the flies. I hate 'em. :evil:
User avatar
xrammyx
Vet
Posts: 160
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:50 am
Your Gulf War Unit: 1st Armored Division HHB 6/3 ADA
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Contact:

Re: Things you hate since the war.

Post by xrammyx » Sun Aug 01, 2010 11:40 am

112SecurityPolice wrote:I hate the bad dreams (the meds help though). :wink:

I also hate getting angry over nothing. :twisted:

Crowds too, and being bothered and not just left alone. :|

And then there were the flies. I hate 'em. :evil:
OMG you brought up the flies, I so remember that, that is one thing I will never forget the flies...
HHB 6/3 ADA
Schwabach, Germany
Desert Shield/Storm
Post Reply